the first kiss

her perfume left a resonating scent in my nostrils, the kind you have to crinkle your nose to get rid of. she smiled so genuinely, i felt it in my gut. i could tell she was nervous, her emotions were so well written on her face. never in her words. i spent a lot of time carefully reading each expression, how it starts in her eyes, and she tries to hold it back. usually her eyebrows show it next, and i follow it down to the twitch in her lips. she was a new novel every day. i envied her for that, i knew i was impossible to read. she held her head tilted slightly down, and the sunlight cast a shadow over her eyes, making them look endless. i could see into her soul. she was so beautiful, and so doubtful of her capabilites of love. she doubted a lot. in this moment i could tell she was thinking of something, and i wanted to address it without embarrassing her. i felt if i made the wrong move, she would fly away, like a butterfly you're trying hard to not disturb. i moved carefully, deliberately, and made sure that she understood where i was going. her eyes lifted and made contact with mine, and suddenly time was paused. i was frozen. she had a sadness that could not be explained in no way shape or form. i wanted to inhale all of her, envelop myself inside her, make her feel full. in that moment i knew she felt empty and alone and all i wanted was to make her feel everything i was feeling. her hands were cold in mine, and she faked a smile. i knew where this was going, and i am going to be honest and say that's all i wanted when i walked into this hotel room, but things were different. the yellow curtains made her hair look like it was on fire, so very harsh against her pale, soft skin. i lifted one hand and placed it under her chin and lifted her head. i wanted to speak but did not dare to disrupt this moment with sound. it was lasting a lifetime but i knew it was mere seconds. she swallowed, trying to push down something she wanted to say, i'm assuming. i'll never know. i opened my hand and ran my palm against her cheek, my fingers finding that spot behind her ear where a hand fits so well. she closed her eyes and breathed in deep, my hand now at the nape of her neck. the eye shadow upon her lids seemed to be placed so perfectly, but it wasn't necessary. i wish she knew. her eyes opened and i was closer than i had realized. i looked at her and smiled, because i felt happier than i ever had before. i placed the tiniest bit of pressure on the back of her neck and leaned forward. her breath smelled sweat, her breathing was shallow and short. i could feel her pulse beneath my palm, i could feel it speeding up with every second. our noses touched, her hair fell into my face. it smelled of mango and was delicious. i wanted to eat her up. she pressed her lips together, biting them. it was so adorable, how she bit that lip. she tilted her head up towards mine, and exhaled, long and slow. i was holding mine, afraid still of her getting away. i pressed my lips against hers, careful not to be too eager. they were soft, smooth. warm. ours parted at the same time and the instant feeling of her wet tongue against mine seemed to end the moment and suddenly everything began moving at normal speed. she kissed me back, hard this time, kissing me in a way i had never been kissed before. i cupped her face with my hands, she ran hers through my hair. i couldn't get enough of her. gasping for breath in between lip locks, exchanging glances for a split second. she put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me on the bed. the window was behind her now. she sat above me, smiling now. the curtains now made her look like she was illuminated, and she was glowing.
"you're beautiful."